7 Mistakes You’re Making with Assertiveness (and How to Fix Them with the L.I.V.E. Method)

Written By Jane Morales

Jane Morales - Communications, Author

6 min read

STOP SETTLING FOR A LIFE OF QUIET DESPERATION. You think you’re being “nice.” You think you’re being “professional.” You think you’re keeping the peace by swallowing your words and putting others first.

THE TRUTH IS DISRUPTIVE: Your lack of true assertiveness is the very thing destroying your success, your relationships, and your inner peace.

Most people exist in a constant oscillation between being a doormat and a bulldozer. Neither is powerful. One is passivity masked as kindness; the other is aggression masked as strength. Both are signs that you are dragging through life instead of living it with purpose.

If you feel internally misaligned, if you are high-achieving but feel empty, or if you are talented but overlooked, it is likely because you are making fatal errors in how you project your power. After 30 years of coaching world-class leaders and interviewing international icons on the Red Carpet, I have seen these patterns repeat across every industry and tax every soul.

RECLAIM YOUR VOICE. RECLAIM YOUR POWER. START LIVING.

Here are the 7 mistakes you are making with assertiveness and the exact framework you need to fix them forever.

1. YOU CONFUSE ASSERTIVENESS WITH AGGRESSION

You think being “strong” means you have to win every argument. You bulldoze through meetings, interrupt others, and use “honesty” as a weapon to mask your own insecurity.

AGGRESSION IS NOT POWER. It is a defense mechanism. When you attack, you aren’t leading; you are reacting. True assertiveness is a calm, steady radiation of self-respect. It doesn’t need to shout to be heard. If you find yourself “winning” the conversation but losing the room's respect, you are failing at leadership.

2. YOU ARE PASSIVE TO “KEEP THE PEACE”

You say yes when every fiber of your being is screaming NO. You tell yourself you’re being a “team player” or a “good partner,” but you are actually building a mountain of resentment that will eventually erupt.

PASSIVITY IS NOT PEACE; IT IS DELAYED CONFLICT. When you fail to speak your truth, you aren’t saving the relationship; you are poisoning it with your silent bitterness. This is a classic sign of someone who is dragging through life, allowing others to dictate their schedule, their energy, and their worth.

3. YOU USE APOLOGIES AS A CRUTCH

“I’m sorry, but can I just say…” or “Sorry to bother you…”

STOP APOLOGIZING FOR EXISTING. When you lead with an apology, you are signaling to the world that your needs are an inconvenience. This habit erodes your authority and trains people to treat your contributions as secondary. APOLOGIES BELONG TO ERRORS, NOT TO ASSERTIONS. If you want to master personal empowerment techniques, you must strip the unnecessary “sorry” from your vocabulary.

4. SILENCE IS NOT A STRATEGY: YOU AVOID DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

You hope the problem will go away if you ignore it. You wait for the “right time” to speak up, but that time never comes.

AVOIDANCE IS COWARDICE WRAPPED IN CAUTION. While you stay silent, the misalignment grows. High achievers understand that leadership strategies for professionals require the courage to immediately enter the “danger zone” of a hard conversation. If you don’t address it, you are effectively endorsing it.

5. YOU TAKE CRITICISM PERSONALLY

When someone gives you feedback, you don’t listen; you defend. You take every professional critique as a personal attack on your identity.

DEFENSIVENESS IS THE DEATH OF GROWTH. An assertive person can discern between useful information and noise. They don’t need to protect their ego because their self-worth is already solidified. If you can’t hear the truth about your performance without feeling “hurt,” you are giving others power over your emotional state.

6. YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO GUESS YOUR BOUNDARIES

You get angry when people “overstep,” but you never actually drew a line in the sand. You expect your spouse, your boss, or your friends to intuitively know what you need.

BOUNDARIES ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, NOT THEIRS. If you haven’t clearly communicated your limits, you have no right to be upset when they are crossed. Failing to set boundaries is the ultimate form of self-betrayal. You are essentially telling the world: “My time and energy belong to whoever grabs it first.”

7. YOU LET THE FEAR OF REJECTION SILENCE YOU

You have a brilliant idea, a necessary correction, or a deep desire, but you keep it locked inside because you’re afraid of being “the difficult one” or being told no.

YOUR VOICE IS YOUR POWER. By staying silent to avoid rejection, you are rejecting yourself before anyone else even has the chance. You are choosing the safety of the shadows over the impact of the light. This is why you feel stuck. This is why you are dragging.

THE REFRAME: WHY TRADITIONAL “TIPS” HAVE FAILED YOU

Most “assertiveness training” tells you to use “I statements” or stand in front of a mirror and practice saying no. Those are surface-level fixes for a soul-level problem.

The reason you can’t speak up isn’t that you don’t have the right “script.” It’s because you are INTERNALLY MISALIGNED. You are trying to be assertive on the outside while feeling powerless on the inside. You cannot manifest what you do not embody.

To truly master being more assertive, you must go beyond tactics. You must undergo a psychological shift. You must stop dragging your past, your fears, and your “people-pleasing” identity behind you.

I have spent over three decades helping individuals rediscover their drive and happiness. From the red carpets of the Oscars to the boardrooms of Cartier Jewelers, the secret to success isn’t just “hard work”, it is the clarity of purpose that allows you to stand in your truth without apology.

THE SOLUTION: THE L.I.V.E. METHOD

In my bestselling book, Stop Dragging, Start Living, Reclaim Your Purpose & Power! I introduce the L.I.V.E. Method. This is the framework for total alignment. When you follow these four steps, assertiveness isn’t something you “do”; it is who you are.

  • L — LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE: Pause the noise. What is your intuition whispering to you? You cannot be assertive if you don’t know your own truth.

  • I — IDENTIFY YOUR CORE DESIRES: What do you genuinely want to accomplish? Own it. Write it down. When your desires are clear, your boundaries become non-negotiable.

  • V — VISUALIZE YOUR IDEAL OUTCOME: See the conversation going well. See yourself standing tall. Visualization creates the neurological blueprint for success.

  • E — ENGAGE WITH INTENTIONAL ACTION: Purpose is nothing without action. Take one step today, send the email, have the talk, say the “no.”

THE PURPOSE RULE: YOUR DAILY DISCIPLINE

Every morning, you must apply The Purpose Rule. Ask yourself: “What is my purpose today, and how will I live it?”

Set your intention. Take the action. Reflect at the end of the day. This is how you build the muscle of assertiveness. You don’t become powerful in one giant leap; you become powerful through 10,000 small acts of courage.

STOP DRAGGING. START LIVING.

You were not meant to live a small, quiet, resentful life. You were meant for excellence. You were meant for happiness. But you will never get there as long as you are afraid to claim your space in the world.

Are you ready to stop dragging and start living?

The manual for your transformation is waiting. My book, Stop Dragging, Start Living, provides a step-by-step framework for reclaiming your purpose and power. This isn’t just another motivational book; it is a strategic guide for high-performers who are tired of feeling “stuck.”

RECLAIM YOUR PURPOSE. RECLAIM YOUR POWER.

GET THE BOOK NOW AT JANEMORALES.COM

LIFESTYLE PERFECTLY CURATED FOR SUCCESS.

Jane Morales

Jane Morales is a Luxury Property Specialist, Personal Branding Expert, Motivational Speaker, and Writer.

She holds a Bachelor of Science in Marketing from Bentley University in Boston and a Master of Science in Communications from Boston University.

Before becoming an entrepreneur, Jane worked in the television industry for ten years with Telemundo Network and NBC Network as a producer and entertainment news anchor covering live events, such as the Academy Awards Ceremony (Oscars) from the red carpet. After years in the TV industry, she became the Director of Communications, Advertising, and Public Relations for Cartier Jewelers International, overseeing the Latin American markets. Several years later, she began her practice while training in Self-Empowerment and Living Your Potential.

Spending several years running the communications division of Cartier Jewelers International, I gained sales and marketing expertise while earning the respect of customers and colleagues. Through my experience in the television industry, I gained hands-on experience. With my active sales license, I've sold properties to high-end clients, friends, and colleagues. My true gift for multitasking has led me to new heights, managing a family of three young adults and establishing myself as a solid entrepreneur with my lifestyle brand.

Jane’s corporate and professional approach to each transaction distinguishes my work style. Her experience handling executive positions with major corporations has helped me secure groups of investors producing significant transactions in South Florida.

Jane’s educational and professional experience is top-notch, and her knowledge of the market and proficiency in dealing with customers seeking the best service and a high-end advantage are outstanding. She is an expert in assisting entrepreneurs with optimal support for profit-making transactions, providing reliable contacts in the industry to access the latest information on new properties. I also hold academic degrees in Leadership and have worked as an Assertiveness Advisor, Writer, and Public Speaker.

As a personal branding expert, Jane helps individuals define, develop, and communicate their unique identity to achieve their professional and personal goals. I specialize in crafting a compelling narrative that highlights a person’s strengths, values, expertise, and personality, creating a distinctive and memorable presence.

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